经典作文笔记4

范文三：（10）
In the picture below, in the full dark situation（语句搭配不当，应该说：画面，背景，角落等等）, a little of spark enlightens（enlighten启发，启发某人做……事用词不当；应该用  brighten）the dark. The naive（naive 幼稚，无知，傻乎乎的（贬义词），innocent天真的（褒义词））spark smiles so sweet. It seems to be saying, as the caption in the picture reads, I am a light of love, the more dark where I am, the more enlighten.（错误1：dark 的比较级应该是 darker错误2：dark 这样的短词是没必要加more的）
Among all the worthy feelings of mankind, love is probably the noblest. As a matter of fact, all of us survive in a love world. （切勿直接照搬情景句）We offer love, more important, we need love. I am a hardworking student that（对人不应该用 that 引导从句，应该用 who）is specialized in Computer Science and Application. Once a time（英语中的有一次只可以说：Once 或者 at one time）, I lost my mind（我发疯了：I lost my mind心不在焉：I was absence of mind） accidentally as a result I dropped down from the downstairs（downstairs 不合逻辑应该改为 upstairs）, badly injured. But for（but for 结构：要不是因为……主句里面应该用情态动词+完成式(would/could have done)） my roommates' help I couldn't live up not only in physics（在物理方面：in physics  在酒精方面：in spirits  在肉体方面：in physical 在精神方面：in mental/mentally） but also in spirits. I thank them（时态错误，应该用 I thanked） genuinly（genuinely: 真诚地）. What I accomplished today（应该用现在时态: I have accomplished）party（party 聚会，partially 部分地） attribute to（attribute sth. to sth. ：……要被归功于……attribute 的宾语提前的话，应该使用被动语态应该是：sth. should be attributed to）all of them giving me a hand to my school work. I hope（习惯用法：一旦用hope, 从句中应该用will               即如:  I hope she will）I can live up to myself as well as my roommates.
As far as I am concerned（在我看来）, love should be showed by two means（通过两种方式表达爱心）as follows. At the first place（应该改为in the first place 首先,第一）, we should keep a critical eye（keep an eye on sth. 词组:  密切关注，照料，照顾） on others' love showed to us. Of course, most of the love is good for us, nevertheless, some does harm to us, such as helping to cheating in exams. The last but no the least（第二点应该用：in the second place/in addition what's morethe last but not the least 一般用于三个方面的最后一个，只有两点是不用该词组的）, we should show love hearts（表达爱心应该用 show love 而不是 show love heart） to those needing them. As we know, Hope Project（希望工程在英语中应该说：project hope）is the largest love project in our country, you should pay highly attention on it rather than neglect. In addition, we should cultivate the awareness（要培养我们的意识）to help others in our daily life. Let's hold our hands（hold our hands：握手join our hands：团结一心）to build our country filled in love hearts.（filled in：填表，filled with：充满；爱心应该用 love 就可以了）

写出好的作文应做的准备：
    一. 大规模的积累主题相关词，优秀的句型词组。
二.  需要大规模的减少语法错误和拼写错误。

图表作文介绍：
一般有四种考试形式。
第一种叫: table，即表格题。最大的难度是如何挑选最典型的数据来描述，不能面面俱到，要找有说服型的。
应该采取的原则：首尾呼应原则。只看开始和结尾，中间的忽略不计。即起点是多少，终点是多少，增加了多少。
      可采取的动词：增加：increase from to       减少：decrease from to
第二种叫：pie chart, 饼状图或圆形图。
      必不可少的词组：由……部分组成: consist of ，be made up of ，be composed of，
                      占多大比例：account for，take up
第三种叫：bar chart，柱状图。要把柱状物的顶端纵横对位，找到精确的数据。
第四种叫：graph，曲线图。
      基本术语：增加，上升：increase; grow; rise; climb; go up.
                减少：decrease; reduce; decline; fall; go down; shrink.
                保持不变: remain stable/steady/unchanged;
      相关副词：sharply; dramatically; considerably; rapidly.(表示大幅度的4个副词)
               gradually（逐渐地); steadily(稳步地); slightly(微弱地);
基本术语:  波动：fluctuate
          例如：微弱的波动：fluctuate slightly
                有一些小的波动：There are some small/slight fluctuations .
                大幅度的波动：fluctuate dramatically/sharply/ considerably
                起伏升降：rise and fall  
                递增：on the rise/on the increase
                递减：on the decline
  难点：图表作文的难点不在第一段的描述上，关键在于第二段如何透过数据挖掘实质。第三段针对现象提出建议。  

Directions:（两表对比题）
  A. Study the following graphs carefully and write an essay in at least 150 words.
  B. Your essay must be written neatly on ANSWER SHEET II.
  C. Your essay should cover these three points:
    1. effect of the country's growing human population on its wildlife（这个国家不断增长的人口对野生动物的影响，如果没有describe，那就点到为止，粗线的描述作文，不用引用数据。如果有describe, 就要找出数据用图表语言详细描述。）
    2. possible reason for the effect（写出影响原因。）
    3. your suggestion for wildlife protection（针对现状，危机提出建议。）


第一个图：随着时代的变化，美国人口的增长。递增：on the rise; increase steadily;
第二个图：species：物种；extinction：灭绝；美国物种灭绝的数量随着时间的迁移越来越多。


范文：（高分）
From these graphs（术语正确）, we can draw a conclusion that, with the growth of human population, the number of species has decreased rapidly（可以替换为：decline dramatically;或者用: fall/reduce sharply）in America, and some species have even vanished from our planet.
  Why does this phenomenon appear? I think（口语，这里的 I think 可以去掉不用，直接用 there be 结构。）there are several possible reasons for（这里的可以添加 accounting，从而改为词组 accounting  for）this.（自问自答，好） First（above all）, with a rapid growth of population（可以替换为as the human population grows rapidly 或owing to the human population grows rapidly）, more and more people（这里的可以改换为：a growing number of people                 越来越多的人）came to live where some wild species have been living. Then these species have to move to other places. Some of them probably can not adapt to the new environment and die. Second（可以替换为in addition /more importantly好的方面）, although many people look on the wildlife as their friends, some people may not think so. They catch a lot of wild animals and sell them in order to get more money. Third（可以替换为：even worse坏的方面）, with the development of the industry（可以替换as the result of 或as the consequence of）, the natural balance and the ecologic environment are destroyed. The deforestation（clear cutting /cutting off forest）has become more and more serious（这里的可以该换为：increasingly越来越）. So some of the wildlife（没有复数） become homeless and extinct.
   In order to protect the wildlife, I have some suggestions. First, the governments should make laws to prevent them from being caught and killed. Second, the governments should educate people to love nature and protect it. Third, as for ourselves, we should take practical actions to protect our living environment.
反复使用，失去语言的魅力

范文（0）——背范文的结果
     According to the figures given in the bar charts（柱状图）, it took from the beginning of human life to the year 1830 for the population of the earth to reach one billion. That represents a time span of at least two million years. Then the world population increased rapidly（迅速增长）, adding up to（增长达到了多少）two billion in 1930. The next billion was added by 1960, only thirty years. From then on the global population was on the rise（不断地增长）, amounting to（达到了多少）4 billion in 1975, which is another billion people in only 15 years.（数据不典型，而且不对）
     There are at least two reasons, I think, for the sharp increase（剧烈地增长）in world population. In the first place, the birth rate is continuously climbing（不断的爬升）in many countries, especially in developing countries. Generally speaking, people there hold the opinion that children don't cost much and when they get old enough to work they will bring in money and that when parents are old, they will take care of them. Secondly, the death rate i most developed countries declines steadily（稳步地下降）because people's standards of living are raised and health care improves.
    In may opinion, the chief reason for the population growth is not so much a rise in birth rates as（与其……不如……）a fall in death rates as result of improvements in medical care.
学习范文不应该只是去把它全部背下来，而是应该取其精华，去其糟粕，应该借用的是好的句型，好的句型，好的词组，闪光的句型结构，好的谚语。采取模仿法，互译法，而对其中的具体内容应能做到随机应变。

复习：
图表作文一般分为两大类型考察。
一种类型叫粗线条表述，一旦没要求describe,就不需要引用数据论证，只要说出图表的变化就可以了。
一种叫细线条作文，或详细描述作文。一旦要求describe，或者 make full use，就应该把图表的细节一一表述出来。
今天的内容：
    一. 把复杂图表作文讲一下。考研中经常是给出多个图表。
    二. 介绍情景作文的创作策略。
    三. 事务信函创作的五大要素。
    四. 写作中的精彩语言。高分作文的语言特征。

范文（专家版）：在欣赏的时候要注意语言是如何丰富多变的
The two charts show that the increase in the U.S. population has been accompanied by a corresponding（相对应的，相应的；在两表作对比时可以使用）decline in the number of wildlife species（特点：把with句型改成accompanied）. Far too many（同a lot of many）species have been lost already. This poses a danger（构成危险）to ecological balance（生态的：ecological生态的平衡：ecological balance）.
  As the human population expands（范围，规模的扩大：expands;在这里可以替换increase，grows）. more and more wild animals are hunted for food, or because they are thought to present a threat（present 当动词使用读[ pri'zent ]也有构成的意思）to man. But studies show that one of the primary causes（一般都用 main reasons）of the disappearance（般都用 extinct 表示灭绝这里使用 disappearance：消失）of wildlife is pollution, which is one of the consequences（后果，贬义词，强调严重的后果；一般用result）of population growth and economic development. This makes us wonder if man is able to share this planet in harmony with（与……和谐共存）other life forms.
    In my opinion,（在我看来）it is imperative（迫切的）to take steps（采取措施） to reverse形容词作动词 the disturbing（令人不安的）trend（扭转趋势）illustrated（一般都用 show 表示“表现表明”；这里用 illustrate“图表中的精彩”用词表现）in the charts. One measure would be to forbid the building of cities in areas where wild life is threatened with extinction. But, more importantly, man must learn to stop polluting the environment, or he himself will become extinct.
多变的词汇
增加：increase; expand; growth
野生动物：wildlife species; species; wild animals; wildlife; other life forms; living creatures
灭绝消亡：have been lost; disappearance; vanish; extinction; become extinct.
构成危险：pose a danger; present a threat; be threatened with;
表明：show; illustrate;

作文时，主题词可以重复，而动词，名词，形容词应该尽量用同义，近义词来替换，即作文的原则：语言丰富多变。
如图表语言中的增加：increase; grow; rise; go up; climb; soar.
                  减少：decrease; decline; fall; reduce; shrink; go down.
                  增减幅度很显著： sharply; dramatically; considerably; rapidly;
                  幅度缓慢；逐渐的 ：gradually; steadily; slightly.
详细地描述的表达：
       增加：increase from…to…  从……增加到了……
       减少:  decline/decrease from ……to ……
更简洁的表达:  不用from……to……,而是用 by；例如:  增长了400：increase by 400

（2001年大纲样题_观点论证题）Directions:
Widespread tobacco consumption has led to grave consequences, yet the tobacco companies still claim that they make a valuable contribution to the world economy.(广泛的烟草销售导致了严重的后果。grave:严重的; still claim that:仍然宣称; 他们为世界经济做出了巨大的贡献)
注意：情景说明是坚决不能直接引用的。情景说明是需要大幅度改造的，哪怕只改一点点也行。
    There is a discussion in a newspaper on the above two viewpoints.
    Write an essay to the newspaper
    1) criticizing their view and (批评他们的观点，但是批评的时候不能够全盘否定，
我们的态度是弊大于利。)
    2) justify your stand.（stand=standpoint，要论证我的立场是合理的）
    In your essay, make full use of the information provided in the pictures printed below.（make full use，指要充分利用下面的数据，即四个图都应该用到。）
You should write about 200 words on ANSWER SHEET

<img src="images/post/smile/dvbbs/em01.gif" />